


A Strange Kind Of Home

by Ironkhaleesi



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky really fucking loves you, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-07-27 12:16:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7617745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ironkhaleesi/pseuds/Ironkhaleesi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky comes to after another one of his 'brainwashed' episodes. Only this time, he doesn't remember who you are. Steve fights for you to tell him who you are but you’re convinced it’s not what’s right. How could you tell Bucky who you are and force him to relive a nightmare he’d forgotten?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His head was killing him. That’s the first thing that Bucky registered. By that alone, he knew he’d gone off the rails again. Through tilted vision, he could see Steve standing a little ways away. He looked worried. He always looked worried. Bucky hated that. For years, he’d protected Steve. Had his back even when he didn’t need it. Now Bucky couldn’t do shit to help him. He was constantly a damsel in distress. 

Back in the day, his buddies would’ve laughed and said some misogynistic joke. Bucky would’ve smiled, not wanting to cause more tension than was needed, but he’d make a mental note to take Peggy around for a visit. She’d knock ‘em into shape. 

Bucky felt hands on his face. It wasn’t Steve. He was standing too far away and Bucky was huddled on the floor against a wall. They were small hands – smaller than his anyway. They were calloused but still soft in some places. A woman’s hands. A working woman. 

Bucky admired you already and he hadn’t even seen you. He wanted to see you because your hands felt good. Really good. Like they’d brought him so much pleasure that his body reacted to their touch automatically. Like Pavlov’s salivating dogs and his bell. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them wide again. His vision tilted once more before you came into focus. You were beautiful. Bucky hadn’t doubted that. He didn’t think he could feel that way about your touch without being attracted to you. You weren’t familiar to him, though. Not physically anyway. He couldn’t think of your name, and he couldn’t remember where he’d seen your face before.

He had seen you before, though. He knew he must have. Because, even though you didn’t look familiar, everything else about you was. Your touch was familiar and comforting. Your presence was too. Your scent. Everything. His chest hurt when he looked at you, but not in a bad way. It was as if he was so excited that it just built up until it squeezed around his heart. He wanted to smile. And laugh. He hadn’t wanted those things in a long time. Even with Steve, his happiness was a ghost of what it once was. But looking at you had him swallowing down nerves and excitement and laughter. His hands shook with the force of it. 

He choked out a laugh, but he frowned too. As though completely bemused about why he was laughing. Why was he so happy? 

He reached his hand up and covered yours where it still cupped his cheek. You smiled at him, and suddenly he found it very difficult to look away from your mouth. So he didn’t. He stared at your smile and felt his own lips tingle. His body was screaming at him to lean forward and press his mouth to yours. It was like muscle memory. It was overwhelming and it scared the crap out of him so he didn’t listen to what his body wanted. 

“Bucky. It’s okay now,” you said.

God, your voice. He wanted you to say his name again. Over and over. His full name, his first, his nickname. All of it. He wanted to hear it over and over again, but only if it came out of your mouth. He wanted you to laugh around his name. He wanted you to whisper it in his ear like it was a secret just for the two of you to keep. He wanted you to throw your head back and scream it in ecstasy.

He blinked.

That was odd.

He looked at Steve. Steve had that sad smile he always had when Bucky went off the rails. But why was he just standing there? Not saying anything? Why was he letting a strange woman fuss over him? More importantly, why was he giving you affectionate glances? And why did that annoy Bucky? 

He looked at you. He needed to know. “Who are you?”

The smile fell from your face and Bucky felt like he’d been punched in the gut. It physically hurt him to see you upset. If he didn’t know any better, he would think you were a Hydra agent and you’d injected him with an experimental serum that messed with his body. But Steve’s presence debunked that, and that scenario just didn’t feel right. 

“What do you mean, Bucky?” There it was. His name on your lips again. It sparked things low in his belly, but his throat still closed up when he saw the lost look in your eyes. “It’s me. Y/N.”

Y/N. It was just a name. Or it should have just been a name. But a name had never sounded so beautiful to him. He felt safer just hearing it. If someone other than you had come up to him and said that name, he felt like he would have looked around the room for you. A knee jerk reaction. 

God, why couldn’t he figure out who you were? He knew you. He had to. He couldn’t have just forgotten someone that made him feel so … so … alive. Blissful. Content. You made his insides feel like a storm and his mind the calm that was supposed to come before it. 

He shook his head. “I’m sorry. So, so sorry. I – I … God. Who are you to me?”

You swallowed and he suddenly envisioned his tongue running down your throat, chasing a bead of water that wasn’t there. You shook your head and forced a smile to your face. He felt proud and sad all at the same time. He admired your strength, but he hated that you hid what you were feeling from him. 

“Okay. That’s fine,” you said. But it wasn’t. It didn’t feel fine to Bucky. 

You went to pull your hands away from his face and he panicked. He tightened his grip on the one he already held and brought his metal hand up to wrap around your other forearm to keep you in place. He immediately regretted it, expecting you to shy away from him. But one look at your face showed that you weren’t in the least bit frightened of him. 

That was dangerous.

He knew if you saw the unbridled possessiveness and need to devour you that boiled inside of him, you would have turned the other way and run. He also knew he would have hunted you down if you ran. And he was so scared for your safety around him that he almost let you go. 

You smiled and leaned in closer, pressing your hands tighter against his face. “It’s okay, Bucky. You’re safe.”

He knew that. Had Steve not been there when he came to, he would have taken one look at you, the strange woman who was so tiny compared to him, and known that he was in the safest place in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got more fics at iavengesuperwholock.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally get Bucky onto the Quinjet, but just when he convinces himself that the two of you must be lovers, Clint throws a monkey in the wrenches by implying that Bucky hadn’t loved you for a long time.

Bucky was stuck to your heel as he followed you out of the compound you’d found him in. Like a lost puppy. He felt like a child, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pull himself away from you. Whilst it was just you and Steve with him, he let himself be vulnerable. Be the lost little duckling that followed around the first thing it had imprinted on as a hatchling.

God, he was pathetic.

He promised himself he’d stop. Once the three of you got out of the compound, he’d take a big step back from you and try not to watch you walk more than three metres from him. He’d try not to panic. He even convinced himself that it would work.

Everything works in theory.

He wasn’t surprised to find that it was Clint who was piloting the Quinjet. He was surprised that he knew who he was. He knew Clint. A man that he never really talked to. A man that didn’t make him feel anything more than indifference. But he didn’t know you. The woman that almost destroyed him simply by being sad.

The three of you walked up the ramp of the Quinjet as Clint pulled himself out of the pilot's chair and approached Bucky. “It’s good to see you again, man,” Clint said.

Bucky pressed his lips together in a tight smile. “Yeah. You too.”

Steve gave him a pat on the shoulder before moving ahead into the Quinjet to rearrange equipment. He felt warmth wrap around his bicep. His entire arm tingled from the sensation and he had to suppress the shiver that raked up his spine.

He looked down and wasn’t surprised to find that it was your hand causing the blissful torment along his skin. You smiled up at him, and for the second time that day, Bucky had to fight the urge to bury his fingers in your hair and kiss you.

“Hey. How you feeling?” you said.

Incredible. “Fine.”

You nodded. “Good. That’s – that’s good.” You swallowed, and Bucky stopped trying to remember you for his sake and started trying for yours. It was obvious that it hurt you. You looked betrayed almost. And he suddenly felt like he’d broken a sacred vow. A promise, maybe.

You gestured to the bench fixed to the inside of the Quinjet. “Why don’t you go sit down and rest. It’s been a long day. I’m just gonna help Steve load up.” Without looking back, you headed down the ramp again.

Bucky panicked. He did the exact opposite of what he’d told himself he would do. His throat closed up and he turned to watch you like a hawk. All of his focus narrowed down to you and keeping his feet rooted to the spot.

“Oh, man,” Clint chuckled. “I know that look.” Bucky grunted, watching as you hoisted a box up to your shoulder while he argued with himself. Did he go over and help you? Did he stay put like you told him too? What was he supposed to do?

He couldn’t do what he wanted to do. Which was march over there, hoist you up onto the boxes, tear your trousers from your body and bury his face between your thighs. No matter who was watching. Then, after a night of wrapping himself around you, he wanted to cook you breakfast. It was so simple. So domestic. He didn’t even know how to cook. But he’d try for you.

He could see it in his mind, so vividly. He’d burn your pancakes and you’d laugh at the mess he made. Then you’d throw out his disastrous attempt and start over, showing him the ropes. He’d listen at first. Completely enthralled with watching you work.

You’d be wearing nothing but his shirt. And he’d get as far as learning how to make the batter before he made it his mission to get you out of the shirt. The pancakes would burn and you’d laugh as you threw them out. He’d order in for you and the two of you would cuddle up on the couch and watch cartoons.

Well, you’d watch them. His face would be buried in your hair. His fingers would trace below the hem of his shirt where it fell against your thighs. The shirt would be inside out because you’d been in a hurry to put it back on as you greeted the delivery guy.

The take-out would go cold. You’d grumble about being hungry as you threw it out, he’d laugh at your scowl and make it his mission to make you smile.

It had to have happened. The fantasy was too vivid – too familiar – to not be real. Was it a memory? If it was, maybe he could give in to the urge to kiss you. Maybe that would be okay. He could tell you that even though he didn’t know you, his body remembered who you were. It remembered what you meant to him. How you felt.

He could fall in love with you all over again. Because he loved you once. He had no doubt about it. God, he sounded like a chic flick and he didn’t even care.

One way or another, you would be his. Whether you wanted to be or not. And that intensity terrified Bucky like nothing ever had.

I know that look. Clint had said that, just now. Bucky turned to him.

“What did you mean by that?” he said.

Clint frowned. “By what?”

“What you just said. About knowing that look. What look?”

“Oh, uh …” Clint shrugged. “I don’t know. You were just looking at Y/N the same way you always did when the two of first joined the Avengers.” Bucky frowned. “You know … the whole ‘lovesick puppy’ thing. You used to look at her like she was the only thing that existed.”

Used to. Bucky’s stomach churned. “I don’t look at her like that anymore?”

Clint shook his head and half shrugged again. “No. Not in a long time. I mean, you kind of just walk around all stony faced now. You’re not a very happy guy, Buck.” Bucky looked back at you, tried to imagine what it would be like to not feel the things he did around you. He couldn’t.

“Uh, Buck?” Clint said. “Why are you asking me these things? You’re acting like you have no idea who Y/N is. Is everything alright?”

Bucky turned back to him and shook his head, absentmindedly running a hand through his hair. “I – I don’t know. Why don’t I look at her like that anymore?” he said, more to himself than Clint.

“Bucky. You know who Y/N is, right?” Bucky just looked at him. He could feel the blood draining from his face. Why didn’t he look at you like that anymore? “Ah, shit.”

“Who is she?” Bucky said, a little more frantic than he’d intended.

Clint put his hands up and backed away with a shake of his head. “No friggin’ way. I’m not touching that with a ten-foot pole. You’re on your own, pal. Sorry.”

Bucky watched helplessly as Clint went back to the pilot’s chair. He spun on the spot, hands in his hair and teeth clenched as he forced himself to try and remember something. Anything. He hit his hands against his head and fell to his knees growling ‘remember, remember’ over and over again.

“Bucky? Hey. Hey!” Steve dropped the box he was holding and ran to his friend. He yanked his arms down to stop him from hurting himself, but Bucky just turned his anger and confusion against him.

He gripped the front of Steve’s uniform in his hand and pulled him closer. He needed to know. He needed to know who you were. He needed to know why he apparently didn’t love the woman that was his entire world anymore. What had he done to lose you?

“Who is she?” he growled in Steve’s face. “Why don’t I look at her like that anymore?”

“Okay. Bucky you need to calm down – ”

“Who is she?!”

You fell to your knees beside him, panting from the sprint you’d just done to reach him. “Bucky, look at me.”

You didn’t need to tell him that. His eyes were on you the moment you’d made it up the ramp, and his hands were on you the moment your knees hit the ground.

He was so much gentler with you, though. He didn’t grip your shirt and shake you the way he had Steve. No, he treated you like porcelain. He cupped your face in hands, brushed your hair back from your eyes.

“Who are you?” he said. “Why don’t I look at you like that anymore?”

“Like what Buck? You’re not making any sense,” you said.

“Please. Please. Just tell me who you are. You’re so important to me. How can I forget you if you’re so important?”

“Shhh.” You pressed your hands against his chest and shifted closer before tracing them up over his collarbone and neck until you could trace your thumbs across his jaw line. “It’s okay, Bucky. You’ll remember soon enough. And if you don’t then I’ll tell you everything. I promise. But we have to get you to Dr. Cho first. See if she can tell us anything about the amnesia. You need to calm down, though, okay?” Bucky nodded and you smiled. He nodded again just to keep you smiling. “Good. Why don’t we get you into one of the cots so you can lie down for a while?”

He let you pull him to his feet and lead him to the line-up of cots across from the bench. He sat down on the edge of one and you pushed against his shoulders until he laid back. He was too big for it, but he did it anyway. Because it made you happy.

When you went to pull away his hand struck out like a snake and wrapped around your forearm. “Stay.” That one word tore out of his throat and vocalised the tornado of feelings that grew inside of him.

You looked over at Steve. He was standing over by Clint’s chair. Bucky hadn’t even noticed him move there. Steve nodded at you, and Bucky felt anger bubble up in his stomach at the fact that you’d looked to his best friend for permission. It died down the moment you looked back at him with another one of those high-inducing smiles.

Bucky rolled to his side and shifted as far back into the cot as he could so you could lie down next to him. Even though you laid on your side to face him, the two of you had to squish together just to fit into the cot. Bucky was fine with that. He wrapped his arms around you and buried his face against the top of your head. Your body pressed against his brought him more calm than anything else had that day. Just holding you quieted down his mind.

The Quinjet was off the ground five minutes later. And even when Bucky felt exhaustion catch up with him he refused to succumb to sleep. Instead, he lay there, squeezing you against his body while he watched Steve.

He didn’t like the way his friend was watching you with sorrow and longing in his eyes. He didn’t like the affectionate glances Steve had given you in the compound. He didn’t like not knowing who you were to him, but most of all, he didn’t like not knowing who you were to Steve.

Steve’s eyes connected with Bucky’s. Bucky’s face was as good as stone. He gave nothing away. Steve’s jaw ticked, and he turned to look back out of the window of the cockpit. Now wasn’t the time to face the inevitable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got more fics at iavengesuperwholock.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a filler chapter. It's just you and Bucky sitting on a couch talking. But Bucky gets some clarification on a few things and you finally agree to start telling him the story of your lives together.

Bucky made it five minutes sitting alone on the couch before he had to get up and follow you to the kitchen. You were bent over, digging through the bottom of the fridge for food. His eyes immediately fell to the swell of your hips and ass. He may be nearly 100, and he may have long-term memory loss – diagnosed recently by a baffled Dr Cho and Dr. Banner – but he was still a man. A very straight, very alpha-male type man. 

And you had the sweetest ass this side of the equator. Back in the forties, he would have never told a woman that. But the freedom of speech and the sexually liberated women that came with the 21st century had him fantasising about the moment he’d finally be able to whisper it in your ear as he squeezed his fill of your behind. 

God, he was a dog. A horny old dog that should’ve had more respect for the woman he didn’t remember loving. The woman that had doted over him and looked after him for the past week while he followed her around like a lost puppy. 

But wanting to bend you over the counter and fuck you into oblivion didn’t mean he had no respect for you, right? He wouldn’t just take his fill and then leave you. No, you would come first and foremost. Literally and figuratively. In multiples. And there wouldn’t be any rolling out of bed and running out of the flat like his feet burned afterwards. No, he’d keep you naked for hours just so he could feel your skin against his. He’d bury his nose in your hair just so he could memorise what your shampoo smelt like. He’d bring you water and coo loving words in your ear about how beautiful and brilliant and kind you are. That’s respectful. Right? 

Hell, he didn’t know anymore. He felt like a teen again, trying to woo the girl down the street from him. He couldn’t remember that girl anymore, he realised. He remembered liking her. Really liking her. Was it the amnesia? Or did you just make him forget about all women?

He was directly behind you, watching the way your shirt rode up your back. You stood and turned suddenly, letting out a yelp and jumping back at his sudden closeness. Your back hit the fridge and Bucky’s hand shot out to catch the ornament that fell towards your head as it rocked. 

You let out the breath you were holding as you watched him place it back in its home. “Sorry,” he said. 

“It’s okay. You shocked me is all. I thought you were still on the couch.” You smiled and brushed past him. His eyes followed you until he had to turn and physically follow you back to the couch. You didn’t have any food, he noticed. Were you hungry? Or were you just rooting around in the fridge because you were so nervous you just needed something to do? 

“You’re the only one that’s ever been able to sneak up on me,” you said. You shot him a look over your shoulder, the kind of look that said there was a secret joke in there only the two of you were supposed to know. But if Bucky couldn’t remember who you were, then he had no hope of remembering the inside jokes he had with you. It saddened him to know the two of you didn’t have that secret intimacy. But you could make more inside jokes, right? 

You fell onto the couch, bouncing a little as you tucked a leg underneath you. Bucky didn’t sit back down at first, he just glanced down at his hulking form. Thought again about how tiny you were next to him. “I’m too big to be that quiet,” he said. 

You tilted your head, your hair fell into your eyes. Bucky had a sudden vision of him brushing your hair back from your face with gentle fingers while you smiled at him. It was gone as quick as it appeared, and he didn’t have time to determine whether it was a memory coming back to him, or another one of his fantasies. 

“I guess I just always felt safe enough to let my guard down around you,” you said. 

Bucky considered that for a moment. “Do you still feel safe with me?” He couldn’t bring himself to imagine that he’d hurt you before. Given you a reason not to feel safe. The very thought made him sick to the stomach. But he needed to know why he apparently didn’t feel the same way about you anymore. He needed to write off all possibilities. 

Your smile turned into a slow grin as you watched him. “You snuck up on me didn’t you?” 

It felt like the beginning of an inside joke. Even the corner of Bucky’s mouth tilted up in a smile. Progress. Now, if he could just figure out everything there was to know about you from the moment you were born right up to present day, he’d be happy. 

Bucky sat down next to you and you turned your body towards him. Your knee pressed against his hip and you threw your other leg over his lap. He held his hands up in mid-air. Not sure what was acceptable to you and what wasn’t. He felt you stiffen.

“Sorry,” you muttered. “Force of habit.” You went to pull your leg away but he locked his hands around it like shackles. You couldn’t move. Bucky was fine with that, but he wasn’t sure that you were. He looked at you and saw a trust in your face that he hadn’t seen since he and Steve were kids. He left his hands where they were.

“You do this often?” he said, looking back down at your leg and stroking his thumbs over your skin. 

“All the time.”

Confusion and anxiety settled in Bucky’s gut like spoiled milk. Clint said Bucky didn’t love you anymore, but why would he let you lounge over him like this if that was the truth? Were the two of you still friends? Wouldn’t Bucky still look at you with a level of adoration if that were the case? 

Who were you?

“Am I in love with you?” he said because he couldn’t bear another moment not knowing. He looked at you when he heard no response. Circled his finger by his temple. “Before all this, I mean.”

Your jaw ticked. You swallowed and looked away from him. Looked back. You finally tucked your hair behind your ear, Bucky wish he’d been the one to do it. You shrugged. “For a long time, I didn’t think you did. Then there was a long time where I knew you did. And then … well now, I just don’t know, Bucky. I haven’t known for a while now.”

“I can’t believe that – that I don’t. I refuse to. Y/N, I lo –”

“Don’t say it.” Your tone was so sharp that it had his head snapping back. You pressed your lips together at his shock and softened your voice. “Not now. Not while you don’t know me. It’s been a while since you told me that and there’s a reason for it. So don’t say it again until you know the story.”

Bucky swallowed and gave you a slow, reluctant nod. “Tell me. Tell me everything.”

You breathed out a soft laugh and glanced at your lap. Bucky felt his own head duck down, as though afraid of losing eye contact. “We have a very long history, Bucky. So much has happened. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

You looked back up at him through your lashes, and Bucky thought it was like watching a sunrise peak through the clouds. “Start at the beginning,” he said.

You watched him a moment. Studied him. Bucky stayed perfectly still, waiting to pass your inspection. You nodded, satisfied with whatever you saw. “Okay. The beginning. That would be when we first met. March 10th, 1927. It was your tenth birthday. I was eight. You painted my nose black, put fake whiskers on me and said I was the prettiest kitten in all of Brooklyn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got more fics at iavengesuperwholock.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in 1941 just before Bucky leaves for England to fight in the war. You tell him about your plan to become a soldier which forces the two of you to revisit a night in the past that you’d rather forget.

Brooklyn, 1941

You had your front door wrenched open before Steve got a chance to lift his gangly arm and knock. He gave you a guilty smile as you eyed his split lip and black eye.

“Oh, Steve.” You pulled him inside without question, pushing him down onto a chair at the table and pulling an ice pack from the freezer to give him. “Again?”

“I was at the cinema,” he said as you sat across from him. “Some campaigns came on about civilians helping with the war. Some idiot decided it was a good time to be an ass – I mean … disrespectful.”

You stifled a smile at his attempt to be a gentleman. Steve was about as far from believing women weren’t equal to men as you could get, but he was raised to treat a lady a certain way, and he never deviated from that. You’d long ago given up on breaking the habit.

You shook your head. “I want to tell you to stop getting into those situations, but …”

“But you would do the same.”

You nodded as your smile finally broke through. “You know me too well.”

“We did grow up together.”

You scoffed and kicked your feet up onto the table. “That’s the understatement of the century. We were born in the same room. On the same night.” Steve smiled and pressed the ice pack to his eye. You jerked your head at him. “Who helped you out?”

“What?”

“Who helped you out? Bucky taught you how to box but you don’t have the strength to win a fight.” Steve didn’t flinch at the comment. You were a brutally honest person, he learnt long ago to not be offended by anything you said. “So, unless the guy took it real easy on you, someone broke the fight up.”

Steve nodded. “You’re right. The guy’s outside paying the cab fare.”

“He’s here?” you said with a frown.

“It’s Bucky, Y/N. They let him leave camp and come home for a day. He gets shipped to England in the morning.”

You swallowed before blowing out a breath. It had been four years since you’d seen him. And you hadn’t separated on the best terms. Bucky had tried, but you’d been a stubborn ass.

“Bucky?” Maybe you’d misheard Steve.

“Someone call?”

For three seconds your entire body froze, then, as though you were on autopilot, your legs fell from the table and you turned to see Bucky standing in your doorway. Sometimes, before you went to sleep at night, you would try to convince yourself that Bucky wasn’t as perfect as you’d remembered him. It helped to ease the ache in your chest when you remembered the last time you’d spoke to him. But seeing him there in his army uniform made you realise you’d been lying to yourself for four years.

You were out of your seat in seconds, your arms flinging around his neck. He crushed you to him and suddenly your fight with him had felt insignificant, and you regretted all the letters you never replied too. You loved him more knowing he kept sending the letters anyway.

“I’m so sorry,” you choked out.

“Shhh.” He ran a hand down the back of your head and pressed a kiss to your temple. “It’s alright, kitten. We can talk about it later. For now, let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.” He pulled back and chucked you under the chin with a soft smile. “Still as pretty as the day I left. I trust you’re still a smart ass too.”

The corner of your mouth kicked up. “Smart, yes. Ass?” You shrugged. “Only to you.” His smile stretched into a grin that faded when he caught sight of Steve over your shoulder. He jerked his chin at him and pulled up a chair. “He tell you what happened?”

You sat back down. “About the guy at the cinema? Yeah.” When Steve’s eyes dropped to the ground, however, you felt like he hadn’t told you anything.

“Did he tell you he tried to enlist again? This time, he was Steve from Jersey.”

You sighed. “Steve …”

“I know,” he said, looking back up at you. “But I got to try, Y/N. I won’t stay behind while the men in this country go to war. I just won’t. You have to understand – ”

“I do, Steve,” you said. “You know I do.”

He nodded. “I’m sorry. It must be hard, not even getting the choice to enlist.”

You shrugged, but it was half-hearted and both the men knew it. “One day they’ll realise they need all the soldiers they can get – no matter the gender. In the meantime, I think I found a loop hole.”

Steve pulled the ice pack away from his face and Bucky’s head shot up. “Loop hole?” Bucky said.

You pulled your bottom lip through your teeth and nodded. “I found a doctor. Abraham Erskine. He works for the S.S.R. I have contacts on the inside that told me he was looking for a test subject.”

“Test subject?” Steve said. “For what?”

You looked around your kitchen and dining room, as though expecting someone else to be there listening in. Then you leaned in and said, “I went through a lot of trouble to get this information. It’s confidential as all hell, so you didn’t hear it from me.” You didn’t continue until they nodded. “Erskine is trying to create a super soldier serum. The description is in the name, point is, the first guy he tested it on went off the rails.”

Bucky barked out a laugh of disbelief and fell back in his chair. “Seriously? And you want to put your hand up and volunteer?”

“The guy survived, Bucky. The serum worked.”

“He went crazy.”

“Because he was a bad guy.”

“What?” Steve said.

You licked your lips and shifted closer. “Erskine said the first subject – Johann Schmidt – was a bad person. He was corrupted with a thirst for power or … I don’t know, some crap like that. But that’s why he went off the rails. The serum doesn’t just enhance your body. It enhances who you are.”

Steve and Bucky exchanged looks. Bucky rubbed a hand over his eyes and shook his head, but Steve looked determined. “And Erskine, he just said yes to you?”

You shrugged. “Not immediately. He ran some tests. Not medical tests, they were just questions that didn’t seem to have a right or wrong answer. But the answers were important to him. Besides, he wasn’t exactly drowning in suitable volunteers. And I’m not his final subject anyway. I’m just the next guinea pig that makes sure everything is working fine.”

“No,” Bucky said. “This is insane. You’re not some lab rat. You’re Y/N.”

“This isn’t up for debate, Bucky. I just thought it was the right thing to let you both know.”

He stood abruptly, hands balling into fists at his sides. “Can we talk outside?” He didn’t wait for an answer and you shared a look with Steve before you followed him.

“This is my decision, Bucky,” you said once the door closed and you were standing on the porch with him.

“Like hell it is,” he growled. “You can’t just make decisions like this without consulting anyone. If something goes wrong, you’re not the only one who suffers, Y/N. There are people who love you – ”

“Are there?” you said. You swallowed hard, trying to fight back the urge to push him and yell. “You didn’t seem to think that when you left.”

The anger fell from him immediately and he watched you for a moment before he spoke again. His voice was as soft as it had been all those years ago. On the first night you’d spent together. The night you’d given yourself to Bucky and he broke your heart for the first time. “Y/N …” He swallowed and looked away. “I sent you letters. You never wrote back.”

You blinked back the tears that burned the back of your eyes. “What was I meant to say?”

“That you missed me? You wanted me to come home? You loved me?”

He was looking away from you, so he didn’t see your face crumble, he didn’t see you press the back of your hand to your mouth to stop the sob from escaping, and he didn’t see you pull yourself back together.

“I tried that last one already, remember?” you said. Your voice was steady, but your hands shook. No matter how hard people tried, their bodies would always betray their true emotions. “You laid there and said nothing.”

“What was I supposed to say?” he snapped as he rounded on you. You gave him a meaningful look and a humourless laugh slipped through his lips as he realised he’d just thrown your own words back at you. “Guess neither of us is very good with words.” You swallowed again and looked down at your hands as you picked at your fingernails. “Did you read them at least? The letters?” You shook your head. He was silent a moment, then: “Did you throw them out?”

You looked back up at him and said nothing. You didn’t want to answer that, and you knew that whatever he assumed would be better than him knowing the sad truth. His jaw ticked and you could see the storm of emotions that flooded his eyes. You wondered what it must have been like for him to write you all those letters without getting a response, only to find out you’d never read them in the first place. You wondered if he felt the same way you did when you’d confessed your love without getting a response from him.

With a sharp nod, Bucky turned on his heel and left. You didn’t see him again for another two years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got more fics at iavengesuperwholock.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another filler chapter but it's from Steve's perspective. I wrote this to give you guys a little more background in the reader and Steve's relationship and how he feels about her, 'cause I know you guys have all bee dying to know!

Steve watched on with mild interest as his team trained. With the new additions to the Avengers (Wanda, Pietro, Vision, Rhodey and Sam) Steve had doubled the training sessions and rotated agents so he could work out who worked best with who, who needed extra training and who needed to sit in on the team building exercises. Funnily enough, Tony had to attend those exercises every week. About the only time he did behave was when you were around, and that was only because Tony wanted to impress you. Not because he was interested in anything more than a friendship, but because … well, you just had that effect on people. You were kind and loyal to everyone on the team. They all knew they could count on you for anything, so they went above and beyond to make you happy (for Tony that meant doing things for you that he wouldn’t do for anybody else). 

Steve admired that the most about you. Despite everything you’d been through, you never broke. The best aspects of your personality had never been compromised at the hands of Hydra. 

Steve’s body tensed at the memory of the room you’d been kept in. Hydra hadn’t needed to wipe your memory to keep you on a leash, they only had to point a gun at Bucky’s head, but when they started sending Bucky after Steve … well, they couldn’t have you tagging along. And Hydra agents got bored when they were on sentry duty. 

Steve squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed a hand over his face. Why didn’t he search for your body longer when he thought you’d died that day? Why didn’t he find you sooner? Why didn’t he protect you? Those thoughts plagued him every morning. And every morning he would seek you out just so he could remind himself that you were okay. Too many times he’d disturbed your sleep in the wee hours of the morning to wrap himself around you and listen to your breathing level out as you fell back to sleep in his arms. 

A small hand landed on his back and he shivered as nails lightly raked down his spine. He’d had partial deafness pre-serum, so that had always been your secret signal that told him you were right behind him. Of course, now he could hear your light footsteps before you reached him, but it was a habit that you’d never broken. It was something that the two of you shared. Something that didn’t involve Bucky. 

He had never been able to bring himself to feel anger or resentment towards Bucky over you. Bucky was his best friend. But, it was still something he had to work at, and the little things that he shared with you helped with that. 

He pulled his hand from his face and put a smile on it as he looked down at you. It was still so surreal to him – looking down at you. Before the serum, he’d only been a few inches shorter than you, now he towered over you. Dr Erskine had feared that his hypothesis on why the serum had affected Johann negatively was false, so he’d diluted it when he injected you with it just in case. It had affected you much in the same way it had affected Steve except your muscle mass and height hadn’t changed drastically, and you weren’t quite as physically strong as him. That had bothered you for years until you worked out that your lighter weight made you quicker and agiler than Steve.

“Are you okay?” you asked him.

His smile softened and he let his arm fall across your shoulders so he could squeeze you to his side. He should have known better than to think he could hide his distress from you. “Yeah. Of course,” he said anyway. 

It was automatic for him not to burden you with his baggage. You had enough on your plate trying to look after Bucky, he wasn’t about to make it harder for you. So, he didn’t tell you he’d had to stay in your room last night just so he could sleep while you’d slept in Bucky’s bed. He didn’t tell you that it was becoming difficult for him to not hug you the moment you entered a room. 

He hadn’t been this bad since you’d left Hydra with Bucky. Of course, the common denominator in both situations was Bucky. More specifically, fresh-out-of-being-brain-washed Bucky. Steve didn’t know much about what happened between you and Bucky when you fought for Hydra, but he did know that the more serum they’d pumped into Bucky, and the more brainwashed he’d became, the more possessive he was over you. 

Steve had mourned you for the longest time, so when you’d come back his automatic reaction was to never let you out of his sight again. Bucky hadn’t let that happen, though. Naturally, it had put Steve on edge. Eventually, things calmed down and the three of you had fallen into a pattern that was the ghost of the friendship the three of you had shared before the serum. But now Bucky had turned back into his possessive self and Steve was on edge again. 

“Are you sure?” you asked as you pressed your hand against his stomach. His nerve endings danced at the feel of it. “Is it one of those bad days? Like after me and Bucky came back?”

You knew him too well. He smiled. “A little bit, yeah. But I’ll be okay. Once Bucky’s back to normal I will be too. Promise.” You looked like you’d push the subject so he changed it. “Where’s Buck anyway? He hasn’t left your side since we picked him up from the compound.”

It hurt Steve to know that the mere mention of Bucky distracted you from Steve’s problems, but it did. You breathed out a chuckle and it reminded Steve of why he lived with that pain. “It took ten minutes, but I finally convinced him to shower and have breakfast without me. He should be down here soon, though.”

Steve’s muscles tensed. “You’ve been showering with him?”

You laughed. “God, no. I just talk to him through the door.” 

He relaxed. “How’d you manage it?”

You glanced at the ground and shifted your feet. Steve knew he wasn’t going to like what you were about to say. “I gave him my tags.”

Steve pulled his arm from you and took a step back. “You gave him your dog tags?” It was a question but he didn’t want to hear the answer again.

“Temporarily,” you said hastily. “They’re not his, Steve. It’s the only way I could leave him alone. He was afraid I’d disappear so I gave them to him and told him I would never leave without them.”

Steve nodded and shifted his focus back to the team. “I get it.”

“Do you?”

Steve looked at you for a moment and realised that his sudden withdrawal must have felt like a punishment to you. He closed the gap instantly but didn’t resume touching you like he had been. Instead, he reached for the two chains around your neck and pulled on them until two sets of dog tags spilled from your shirt. One was Bucky’s and one was Steve’s. They were the only ones that existed. Bucky and Steve had both been protective over their tags so they’d never needed replacements. 

Steve picked his tags up and turned them over in his hand as you watched him. The next of kin and address of the soldier (amongst other things) was meant to be notched into their dog tags. But you and Bucky were all Steve had after his mother died. They should have just left that area on the tags blank, but he’d fought tooth and nail to get your name notched in that space instead. It wasn’t protocol, and eventually, Steve had to ask Howard Stark to pull some strings, but he got your name there. Right where it belonged. 

Steve sighed and let the tags fall back into place over your chest. “Why don’t you go partner up with Tony for training? He’s been lazy all morning.”

You pressed your lips together. Steve could tell that you wanted to say something, but he also knew that you’d bite your tongue. Your tags were a touchy subject for Steve. When you turned on your heel and headed towards the rest of the team Steve let out the breath he’d been holding. 

The sound of Bucky’s footsteps had him tensing up all over again. As his friend stopped beside him, Steve made sure to look at you as little as possible, lest Bucky noticed and got upset. Steve didn’t want a repeat of what happened all those years ago. 

Steve looked at Bucky and smiled. “How are you feeling?”

Bucky nodded, his eyes on you. “Good.” Steve pressed his lips together and risked a glance at you. “Y/N told me about when I first met her.”

Steve chuckled. “And the face paint? Yeah. I wasn’t there but she’s told the story so many times I feel like I was. You called her ‘kitten’ for the longest time after that.”

Bucky looked at him. “I don’t anymore?”

Steve shook his head and hoped that Bucky could tell he was only looking at Tony. “Not since Hydra got to you.” Steve shrugged. “I don’t know. Best guess is you just weren’t the same man.”

Bucky contemplated that and nodded, as though he agreed with the theory. He looked back at you and Steve risked another glance. “She told me about our fight before I left for England too.”

Steve smiled again but it was far sadder than the last one. “Sounds like she’s taking you through all the milestones.”

“Why would that be a milestone?”

Steve frowned at him. “Bucky, that’s when she and I … oh, she hasn’t told you that yet. It’s okay. She will.”

Bucky turned to Steve that time. His metal hand balled into a fist. “When you and Y/N what?”

Steve shook his head and gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, Buck. I’ll let her tell you all about it. She has a better way of explaining things.” Bucky began to look upset as he pushed his fingers into his hair. Steve reached out and squeezed his shoulder, bringing him in close. “Hey. It’s alright, Bucky. You’ll remember. Dr Cho said it might take some time. You just have to remember that you’re in a safe place.”

Bucky nodded and let his hands fall from his hair. He absentmindedly moved one of them to finger the dog tags that hung around his neck. Steve knew they were yours and he had to fight the sudden wave of anger he felt. It shocked him. He wasn’t angry at you, and he certainly wasn’t angry at Bucky. He was just angry at the situation. But it wouldn’t do him any good to be like that. He couldn’t bring himself to put any more pressure on top of Bucky’s problems. So he swallowed the anger back down.

Bucky turned to look at you again and said, “You’re in love with her.”

Steve’s heart jump and he waited for Bucky’s outburst. It never came. Steve nodded, remembered Bucky couldn’t see it and cleared his throat to say, “Yeah. Yeah, I am. Have been my entire life. Our mothers were best friends so I think it’s accurate to say that.”

“And Peggy?”

Steve felt himself sadden at the thought of her. “I was in love with her too. She and Y/N were good friends, and it broke Y/N’s heart when she found out. But I was in love with two women, for two very different reasons.”

“And now?”

“Now, me and Peggy don’t have a future together. I was a fool to ever think that we did.”

Bucky glanced at Steve. “You think you have one with Y/N?”

Steve met his eyes without backing down. “I know she’s in my future. It’s the ‘how’ I’m not sure about yet. But that’s up to her. It always has been.”

Bucky’s jaw ticked but he didn’t argue further on the topic. Your dog tags clanked together as he fingered at them again. Steve had to swallow his anger back down, but he couldn’t stop himself from jerking his chin at them and saying, “You should give Y/N her tags back.”

Bucky gave him a surprised look before looking down at them. “Why?” he said. “She’s wearing mine.”

Steve swallowed again. “Ours, Bucky. She wears mine too.”

Bucky looked back up at him. “Fine. Ours. But my point still stands.”

Steve felt his jaw tick as his eyes met Bucky’s. “Our tags belong to her, Buck. But hers don’t belong to us. We don’t deserve them. Not after everything we’ve put her through.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got more fics at iavengesuperwholock.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I'm not really sure how to summarise this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got more fics at iavengesuperwholock.tumblr.com

Bucky wasn’t a big fan of laying in complete darkness. He wasn’t fond of small places either. Those were perhaps his two biggest fears (besides losing you). He was ashamed of them because they were proof that Hydra had broken him. So ashamed, in fact, that he never told anyone about them. Not even Steve. If he found himself in dark, small or small dark places during missions, he dealt with it. He told himself to grow some balls and just deal with it. Of course, pushing it had made the fears worse, but he’d run out of options – because telling anyone those fears was something that would have to be tortured out of him. He would take them to the grave. 

If that was the case, however, if taking those fears to the grave without telling a soul was an absolute must for him, then how did you know about them? At first, he’d just thought it was a coincidence, that maybe you were frightened of complete darkness as well. You’d turned on your bathroom light and left the door open a crack so the entire room was thrown into shadows rather than complete darkness. It didn’t even occur to Bucky that you’d done it for him, that’s how sure he was of not telling anyone his fears. 

You stood by your window for a moment, fingers playing with your bottom lip as you contemplated the latch on it. Bucky lounged back against the headboard of your bed and watched you. Most people would get fed up after a minute or so and ask what you were thinking, but Bucky didn’t, he liked watching you think too much to ever interrupt it. Not to mention, the longer he got to see you stand there in his jumper, the better. It was just a plain maroon colour, nothing overly appealing about it except that it held in heat like a bitch. But it was massive on you. The hem almost hit your knees and you had to keep bunching the sleeves up around your wrists so you could make use of your hands while you got ready for bed. 

The jumper completely engulfed you and Bucky basked in the simple pleasure of knowing that you always went to sleep in one of his jumpers. You’d even told him once that you couldn’t remember the last time you’d slept in your own clothes. Of course, Bucky had screwed up the moment by asking if you’d ever slept in Steve’s clothes, to which he’d received no answer, but he refused to dwell on that now. 

You turned to him suddenly. Your arms fell to your sides and the corners of Bucky’s mouth tilted up as he watched the sleeves of his jumper fall down over your hands. “Do you want the window open?” you said. His eyes shot up to yours and he frowned in answer. “I mean, we don’t usually have the window open in your room because it’s so big, but mine’s pretty small in comparison. Is it big enough for you? Or do you need the window open?”

Bucky forced himself to breathe and said (just in case he was wrong), “Why would I need the window open?”

You blinked, open and closed your mouth, looked at the window, and then looked back at him. “Uh … well, you know … you don’t like the dark or small spaces. Why do think I always left your bathroom light on with the door open a bit?” 

Bucky swallowed. He waited for the fear and the shame to surge up in his stomach when he realised you knew the fears he swore to never tell anyone (had he told you?), but it never came. He instead felt a swell in his chest, almost like affection and gratefulness. He was happy that you knew his fears, and he loved that you tried to make sure he didn’t have to face them. Suddenly, Bucky wasn’t sure why that surprised him. After everything he’d been feeling towards you since the compound, after everything he’d learned about you, was he really shocked that at some point he’d divulged his deepest fears to you. 

“Bucky? Is everything alright?” you said. You were at the end of the bed now, one knee resting on the mattress as though you were readying yourself to climb on and go to him if he needed it. Bucky realised he’d been staring off into nothing, his mouth hanging open and his hand rubbing against his chest. He snapped his mouth shut and fisted his hand over his heart. 

He gave you a small smile and nodded his head. “The window closed is fine,” he said. 

You flashed him a smile and even in the dim light, Bucky thought it was too bright to exist. And yet there you were, bouncing up the bed towards him and tripping over the jumper that was a million sizes too big for you. 

Bucky’s legs were already tucked under your blanket – he was only in sweatpants. Once you made it up the bed towards him, you got to your knees to pull the blanket back so you could slide in next to him. Only the jumper was in the way. So, Bucky watched as your teeth sunk into your bottom lip and you lifted your hands in the air, shaking them like a child until the sleeves fell down to your elbows. 

Bucky couldn’t take it anymore. He’d watched you go through this routine every night. Each time tightened the feelings in his chest a little more. Each time he found it harder and harder to imagine himself going to sleep without watching you go through the routine. He felt tears prick at the backs of his eyes and he couldn’t figure out why he was so sad. He couldn’t understand why he wanted to hug you to him and beg for your forgiveness. He couldn’t remember having done anything wrong. But then, he couldn’t remember anything about you. 

He could understand why he had the urge to kiss you, though. And that was one thing, at least, he could do something about. Before you could pull back the blanket, Bucky struck out, quick as a snake, and wrapped an arm around your waist. You looked at him in shock but his mouth was on yours before you ever got a chance to protest. 

For a moment you didn’t respond, and Bucky’s stomach filled with dread, but then your mouth moved against his and a whimper sounded in the back of your throat. That was all the consent Bucky needed before he was forcing your mouth open with his and running his tongue along yours. A growl vibrated through his throat at the taste of you.

He didn’t need to work to find a rhythm, and that alone proved to him that he’d kissed you a thousand times before. Because even though the act of kissing you felt familiar, it felt like he was tasting you for the first time. Bucky wondered if it had felt like that every time he’d kissed you. 

Your fingers threaded through his hair and Bucky wondered why he hadn’t just done this before. Why had he tried to control his urges? He leaned back against the headboard, his arm still tight around you so you had to straddle his lap. 

He brought his metal arm up and pressed his hand against the back of your head so he could delve deeper into your mouth. He had a sudden, hysterical thought that he wanted to fall into your mouth, and then your hands were on his shoulders pushing him harder against the headboard so you could pull back. 

He watched your face in a daze as you lifted a hand to your mouth. He licked his lips and tasted blood, his mind had never cleared up faster. He grabbed your wrist and pulled your hand away from his face so he could force himself to see what he’d done. His stomach twisted in a sense of dread and satisfaction. It made him sick.

You licked at the small cut on your lip where he’d bitten you and gave him a tight-lipped smile. “It’s okay, Bucky. I guess this is just something else we have to go through again.”

“Again?” Bucky said. “I’ve done this before?”

You slid out of his lap and sat next to him. Not an inch of you was touching him and he had to fight the vicious urge to pull you back into his lap. “Yeah. It’s been a while since you did it, though. During the first decade with Hydra, you had a lot of trouble trying to control yourself around me.”

Bucky felt the bile rise up in his throat as his mind went to the worst possible place. “Oh, God,” he moaned. He went to stumble out of your bed but your hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Nothing like that, Bucky. You never hurt me like that. I would always consent, but during you would just get too physical. It was like you wanted to … devour me … or own me, or … something.” You laughed, probably at your choice of words but Bucky felt like it was an accurate description of what he’d felt kissing you before. “Anyway, eventually, you got a handle on it. I think you finally realised that I wasn’t going anywhere without you, so you let your guard down and started taking things slow. You stopped being so … urgent, I guess.”

You shrugged and looked up at him. “I’m sorry,” he said.

You wrapped your arms around his and huddled close to lay your head on his shoulder. He hadn’t realised how tense he’d been until he began relaxing under your touch. “Don’t be,” you said. 

Bucky swallowed and struggled to find the courage to ask his next question. “What – what if it takes another ten years?” You tensed and slowly pulled away from him. He felt his chest tighten and his breath quickened as he watched you. 

“Bucky. That can’t happen again.”

“Why?” The word tore out of his throat. 

You looked up at him with sadness in your eyes and Bucky realised that he would do anything – kill anyone – just to make you happy again. “After we came back from Hydra you got … intense again. That’s why we can’t be what we were anymore.”

“I hurt you?”

You shook your head and suddenly slipped down under the blanket. “It’s a long story for another time. We should sleep, Bucky.”

Not for the first time, Bucky tried to force his memories back, but all he got were black spots of nothing in his timeline where you should have been. With a sigh, he slid down next you. He prepared himself for a sleepless night of watching your back, but you surprised him by cuddling against his chest like you always did. His arms came around you hesitantly as he buried his nose in your hair. 

Just before he drifted into sleep, a thought occurred to him. “Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“How come you didn’t know whether or not to open the window?”

You shifted against him until you could look up at his face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I must have slept in here before, right? So how come you didn’t know if I needed the window open or not?”

You gave him another sad look and Bucky mentally kicked himself for bringing it back. “You never slept in here, Bucky. We always stayed in your room.”

“Why?”

“It caused too many problems between you and Steve. But that’s another long story. Let’s just say I was shocked that you asked to stay in here tonight.”

You cuddled back into his chest and Bucky thought on what you said. He’d wanted to sleep in there that night because nothing sounded better to him than falling asleep surrounded by things that smelt like you. And he wanted the male satisfaction of having his own scent in your sheets. So why had he never wanted to sleep in your room before?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short and sweet (or not so sweet) part with Steve where he needs you to comfort him like you used to. There's little hints in here at what caused all the problems between Steve, Bucky, and the reader after they all joined the Avengers.

Steve awoke with a start. He knew it had been a nightmare that done it, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what it had been about. He had a foreboding sense of dread and a desperate need to hold you. That alone made him glad that he couldn’t remember the dream. 

He didn’t pay any of it much thought. He’d been waking up like that ever since he got Bucky back. It was the old anxieties coming back to haunt him. 

Bucky had been possessive of you (unhealthily so) throughout his decades as the Winter Soldier – at least that’s what Steve gathered from what you’d told him – but it had magnified tenfold when both you and he had joined the Avengers. Many lines had been crossed and many friendships had been tainted because of it. Steve couldn’t go through that again.

It had taken a while, but you’d managed to calm things down at the expense of your relationship with Bucky. Steve would admit that he had added fuel to the fire and had to change some of his behaviour to help you smooth the waters. But, for the most part, Steve had been content with the quiet in the tower after that. Things seemed reminiscent of the days back in the forties between you, Steve and Bucky. A lot of underlying emotional and sexual tension and words unsaid but the three of you got along great. Then Bucky’s mind was wiped of you and everything was back to square one.

Thankfully, Bucky was nowhere near as bad as he had been, but Steve knew it was only a matter of time. Steve had already started noticing the hard looks Bucky gave him  
whenever Steve looked at – let alone talked or touched – you.

Soon Bucky would start putting himself between you and Steve whenever the three of you were in a room together. Then he’d do the same with the rest of the Avengers. Then the aggression would come, and then the fights. 

Steve sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. He was too tired to be thinking about the future’s problems. Right now, he was anxious – maybe even a little scared – and he needed you. He knew you’d be sleeping in Bucky’s room with him again, so Steve resigned himself to crawling into your bed for the night again. Only this time it wasn’t empty.  
Steve leaned back against your doorframe with another sigh as he watched you sleep with Bucky’s arm slung over you. (Even when he slept, he was possessive.) Steve watched you for a moment more before he told himself he should leave. He pushed off the doorframe but his feet took him further into the room rather than out of it. 

Before he let himself consider the possible repercussions of Bucky waking up, he dropped to his knees by your bed and stroked a hand over the side of your face and into your hair. Slowly, you clawed your way out of sleep and Steve allowed himself to savour the moment. It felt like it had been years since he had been able to touch you like that. 

You looked up at him and gave Steve a sleepy smile. He didn’t realise how much he’d missed that smile until then.

“Hi,” you whispered.

“Hi,” he whispered back as he stroked his hand through your hair again.

Bucky shifted behind you in his sleep, and it suddenly dawned on Steve how bad an idea it was to be there with you.

“Are you okay?” you said. “Do you need me?”

Always. “No. I think I’m okay.” He smiled to try to convince you of that, but he wasn’t very confident he’d succeeded.

You stretched and moaned softly before settling your head back on your arms. “Don’t be silly,” you said. “You’re in here for a reason, and I’m already up, so spill.”

Steve looked back at Bucky when he shifted again. “Maybe we should do this in the living room.”

You nodded and peeled Bucky’s arm and the blanket from your body before sliding out of bed. Steve stood with you, freezing in place when Bucky groaned and began blinking his eyes open. You rushed to his side before he could spot Steve and tunnelled your fingers through his hair.

“Shh,” you soothed. “Go back to sleep, Bucky. I’m just getting a drink and I’ll be back.” 

Bucky looked as though he’d climb out of bed and follow you, but the light circles you traced against his temple as you whispered in his ear sent him sliding back into sleep. Steve knew firsthand how hard it was not to go to sleep when you did that. It was the whole reason he’d started coming to you on bad nights in the first place. It was also why – once or twice – Tony had stumbled into your room in the middle of the night. (Of course, that was all hush hush. Not a soul was allowed to know.)

Once Bucky was snoring again, you wrapped a hand around Steve’s bicep and led him out into the living room to sit on the couch. 

“Another nightmare?” you said as you curled up next to him. 

He nodded. “I can’t remember it, though.” 

“You never do.” 

Silence fell between the two of you. It wasn’t awkward – it had never been with you two – but Steve felt uncomfortable all the same. He wasn’t sure what to do. He’d always come to you for comfort, but too much had changed since he’d been in the ice. You and Bucky had lived a lifespan without him. You’d shared secrets without him. You’d loved each other without him and now Steve felt like an outsider.

You’d always gone out of your way to fix that, and Steve loved you for it, but Bucky wasn’t making it easy. His best friend was being far too selfish with the woman that they both agreed long ago was too important to either of them to fight over. 

Steve was upset that he couldn’t hold you the way he used too. He resented Bucky for keeping you to himself, but he also felt guilty for resenting his best friend. 

It was too much and Steve couldn’t handle it. He fell apart in front of you and you did what you always did. You stayed calm and picked up the pieces. He fell against you and you wrapped your arms around him. You whispered in his ear; telling him how much you loved him and that everything would be okay. And, for a short while, Steve let himself believe you because in that moment he wasn’t strong enough to face the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got more fics at iavengesuperwholock.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last part guys! You finally come clean and tell bucky the grisly truth.

“This has to end, Y/N,” Steve said. His arms were folded and he was looking at you like you were a soldier that had screwed up.

Tony, who’d been leaning against the kitchen bench silently watching you and Steve go at it, finally put his hand up and said, “I agree with Cap. I don’t know about you, but I rather dislike feeling like a guest in my own home.”

“Oh, shut up, Tony,” you snapped. “Bucky hasn’t done anything to you.”

“The unsaid word there being ‘yet’.” He pushed off the bench and stood next to Steve. “I’m sorry that your heart’s breaking for the big bionic man, hon’. I really am. But the fact remains that we’ve been down this road before. People don’t change, Y/N.”

You folded your arms and cocked a brow at him. “Says the poster boy for change. Who was it that took a trip to the desert and then remodelled his entire company because he had a change of heart?”

“That was different. I was blown up by my own weapon.”

“Tony’s right, Y/N,” Steve said. “Bucky may have lost part of his memory, but he’s still the same man. He’s going to react the same way whether you keep his memories from him or not. It’s been weeks. He needs to know the whole story.”

“Would you hear me out at least? Please?” you pleaded. You took their silence as an affirmative. “Okay, so, the serum is supposed to enhance who you are, right?” Steve nodded. “When we rescued Bucky from that Hydra base in the ’40’s they’d already started experimenting on him with the serum, but he hadn’t made the full transition yet, right?” Steve nodded again and Tony shifted with impatience. “Well, when we brought him back to camp he found out that you and I were together. Do you remember how hurt he was? How possessive and jealous he became?”

Steve sighed and nodded reluctantly. “But he was nothing like what he became after he transitioned.”

“No. Just, bear with me. After that he ended up falling to his death for you, Steve. Or so you’d thought. Either way, he’d sacrificed himself for the man that – in his eyes – betrayed him. When he made the transition, he still had no idea that I’d fallen out of that train trying to catch him. He became the Winter Soldier while feelings of possession and jealousy and anger overwhelmed him. Doesn’t it make sense that all of that would have been amplified the minute they finished the serum injections.”

“Of course it does,” Tony said impatiently. “What’s your point?”

“My point is, if he doesn’t know about that moment he felt he was betrayed, then he won’t have any reason to be possessive over me. If we just tell him that I’d only ever been with him, then maybe he won’t see a reason to be jealous. He won’t go back to what he was.”

“That’s a big maybe,” Tony said.

Steve sighed again and rubbed a hand over his face. “That’s a nice theory, Y/N, it really is. I just wish it was true.”

Your shoulders slumped. You’d known it had been far-fetched, but you’d thought that if Steve believed it, then maybe you could believe it too.

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t think that will work. He had no memories of you and yet he was still in love with you the moment he saw you. And he may not have caused any problems yet, but I’ve seen the way he looks at me whenever I’m around you.” Steve shrugged. “He doesn’t like us being near each other. He may not know why, but eventually he’s going to stop caring why and just accept it. He’ll go right back to behaving the way he did before. You need to tell him everything, and then you need to end it with him. Things can go back to the way they were before Bucky lost his memories.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of!” You took a deep breath and closed your eyes at the admission. It felt good to finally get that off your chest, but you knew it would bring up plenty more problems.

“Okay, this seems like it’s getting personal so I’m just gonna …” Tony inclined his head towards the staircase that led to his lab and left the two of you.

“What’s going on, Y/N?” Steve said once Tony was gone.

You sighed and scratched at your forehead. “I can’t go back to the way things were. It’s too hard to live like that.”

“I don’t understand. Y/N, it was exactly like we were before all this.”

“Before what?” you snapped.

His arms unfolded and he took an angry step forward. “Before the serum, Y/N – before we became heroes in a world that only wanted villains.”

Tears welled in your eyes as you let everything you’d been holding back finally rush forward. “That’s the problem! You may have been living the high life sulking around Brooklyn  
trying to win fights you had no business being in, but I was in pain. The man I loved didn’t love me back. I pined after him for years, watching him charm girl after girl into his bed. And when I finally got the chance to be one of those girls, when I finally got to tell him that I had always been in love with him he abandoned me for a war that wasn’t even his.” You let your voice go quiet again as all the yelling took a toll on you. “And then … and then he finally did love me, and I had to give him up all over again anyway.”

You scoffed through the tears that ran down your face and took a step back from Steve. You avoided his eyes and the pity you knew would be there. You didn’t need pity, you just needed to live the life you wanted to live.

He took a step towards you. His arms were held out and his voice was soft. “Y/N –”

“Don’t.” You held a hand up to ward him off. Finally, you looked into his eyes and held onto the anger that burned in your chest. “Just, don’t. You’ll get what you want. I’ll tell him everything. But I will not give him up. Not again. And definitely not for you. I don’t care if I have to leave the Avengers – leave you – to do it. You had your shot a long time ago, Steve, and you fucked up. You don’t get to decide who I do or don’t move on with.”

The hurt in his face should have fizzled out your anger but it didn’t. He had no right to be hurt – he’d lost that privilege a long time ago.

****

It took Bucky mere seconds to notice your presence when you walked into the gym. His back had been turned towards you, and you’d been quiet as a mouse but he’d noticed all the same.

He’d always been like that.

It was like he had some weird radar in his mind that beeped the moment you were nearby. Or maybe it was because he was constantly searching for you. You’d like to think the latter. You weren’t a romantic but Bucky was, and it would be just like him to always have an eye out for you.

Either way, it was uncanny and it made you smile every time.

He smiled back at you and he looked so much like pre-serum Bucky that you almost started crying again.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he approached you.

You gave him a smile that you knew wouldn’t reach your eyes, and nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just … something on my mind is all.”

“What is it?”

You scanned the gym and then, once you were confident no one else was there, you gestured towards a nearby bench. “Why don’t we sit and I’ll tell you all about it.”

The two of you straddled the bench and faced each other. You wasted no time overthinking what you were going to say. You just blurted out whatever you felt was necessary, and hoped for the best. Bucky made no judgments. He watched you intently, as though you were the most interesting thing in the world.

“Okay, so, I’m going to tell you our story. It will be a watered-down version of what happened. There will be no details, and no time to ask for them yet. And this story will be filled with so much heartbreak.” Your voice broke on the last word and tears started rolling down your face again, but you pushed through for Bucky. For the both of you. “But even though everything I’m about to tell you is awful, I want you to know that we were happy once, okay? So happy.” You sniffed. “And those happy moments, I mean, they were fleeting, and they were few and far between but they were worth it. And they were ours. Just ours.”

Bucky shifted forward and cupped your face in his hands. He looked worried and scared. It was just how you felt. “Please, Y/N. Just tell me. Nothing you say will change my mind about you.”

You pulled his hands away from your face and avoided looking at him. You couldn’t suffer through either his touch or his stare while you did this.

You sniffed again and scrubbed at your face. “Okay, um … a short while after you left for England Steve and I started dating. I guess he’d been in love with me for a while but …” You let out a short laugh. “I was so blinded by you I’d never noticed. So, after a while I – I reciprocated his feelings, you know? I mean, without you there, I started seeing qualities in him that I’d never seen before. And then we went through the serum injections together and it just … it put things in perspective. Uh, fast forward to us rescuing you from Hydra and you found out about Steve and me. Steve had never intended to keep it from you in the first place, neither had I but of course we had no idea you’d react the way you did.” You pushed your fingers through your hair. “You were so angry. So jealous and angry. I was sure that you hated Steve for it. At the time, Steve had developed feelings for Peggy. I’d known but I always convinced myself it wasn’t true. I was in love with the man, for Christ sake. I wasn’t willing to accept that he was falling for another woman. Steve was – is – a gentleman though. I could tell he felt so guilty. He never did anything wrong but he couldn’t help the way he felt. And you … well, you knew straight away. You did everything in your power to force the two of them together. I don’t know what you did, but after you were in his ear it didn’t take Steve long to leave me for her. My heart was broken because of you and you didn’t even care. It’s like you wanted to hurt me. If I wasn’t happy with you then I couldn’t be happy with anyone else, you know?”

Bucky closed his eyes and bowed his head in despair. “Y/N …”

“Shut up. I have to get through this. You don’t get to sit there and tell me how sorry you are. Believe me, I shattered your heart to pieces every chance I got too. We don’t get to be sorry. We knew what we were doing. Um, where was I? Right. Uh, then we both went over the cliff and we ended up with Hydra. Except, at first neither of us knew the other was alive. They kept me around to experiment on, to them I was just a walking test tube of soldier serum. They used me to try and perfect the serum that they were going to inject you with.” You laughed bitterly. “Story of my life, right? Just a guinea pig for heroes and villains. Anyway, you made it difficult for them. No matter how much they hurt you, you just wouldn’t cooperate. They couldn’t make you do anything they wanted. So they changed tactics. They showed you I was alive and started hurting me in front of you.” You smiled. “It’s the first time I ever saw you follow orders without talking back with that smart ass mouth of yours. For 70 years I was essentially your carer. I went on missions with you. I trained with you. I ate with you. We even shared a room. I hated every second of it. I hated you. After years of stringing me along and breaking my heart, you ruined my one shot at love because you were jealous. You were so selfish. Not once did you even pretend to be sorry. And all of a sudden I had to spend every moment of every day with you.”

You stood up suddenly and growled in frustration as you paced in front of Bucky. He sat there, unmoving. He didn’t even look at you. You didn’t blame him.

“You became the perfect soldier, but I was becoming a distraction. They tried to kill me but you became unstable and they realised quick that they couldn’t off me. That’s why they started wiping your memory. The first time they did it just so they could kill me, but even though you’d forgotten who I was, you were still attached to me. Your body and your mind still remembered what it was like to be in love with me, so you became unstable when they tried to kill me again. They realised, though, that I wasn’t a distraction when your memory was wiped. You couldn’t remember Steve or our betrayal. You could only remember what it was like to want me. So, as long as they let me stay with you, you did everything they wanted.” You scoffed. “I was your god damn prize for a job well done. Meanwhile, I remembered everything. They couldn’t wipe my mind, after all. What good would that do? It took five years for me to resent you so much I became cruel. The woman I was before – the woman I am now – she didn’t exist then. You had turned me into a monster. My anger had blackened and twisted my heart like nothing ever had before. You fawned over me. And I let you. I let you wonder who I was. I let you fall in love with me all over again. I even let you inside my body. And then I broke your heart. I told you you were nothing. I said you were just a Hydra dog that entertained me when I needed to blow off steam. I told you I had never and would never love you. I distracted you. They wiped your memory. And I did it all over again. For nearly twenty years you had broken my heart. So I spent fifty breaking yours.” You bared your teeth in an angry smile. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

Bucky finally looked up at you. His eyes were filled with tears and he looked like his entire world had collapsed down around him. It didn’t make you happy like it had all those decades ago. Now, it just made you sad. He pressed the heel of his hand to his heart and looked down at the bench again. “Why?” he choked out. “Why would we do that to each other?”

You took a moment to make sure you weren’t going to cry again before you said, “Because we were in love. But we were never in love at the same time.”

He was silent for a solid minute before he finally spoke again. His voice was hoarse and sounded like he’d been through hell. “Fifty years. What happened to the other twenty?”

You licked you lips and suddenly found your shoes very fascinating. “I started loving you more than I loved your heart break. I started becoming less cruel and started letting you stay in my bed longer. Eventually I stopped telling you I didn’t love you, and you started telling me you’d never forget me again.” You swallowed, took a deep breath and continued on. You’d told him there weren’t going to be any details. “After the break down of shield and hydra, we tried to start a life together. It was the best year of my life, and it all turned to shit because we loved each other too much to let anyone near. Steve found us. Long story short we ended up with the Avengers. Things should have been great. We were together and we were out from under Hydra’s thumb. We got to make memories that Hydra couldn’t take away. But then you got violent.”

Bucky groaned and stood, turning his back to you as he ran his hands through his hair.

“Not with me,” you said. “Never with me. At first you were just jealous of Steve. You were possessive. And then you started fighting with Steve. It got to the point where you wouldn’t let me stay in my own room because Steve had slept in there before. Then you turned all that jealousy and anger towards the rest of the guys. Tony was barely allowed in his own tower. Hawkeye closed himself up in his own room. Thor stopped visiting. And, um …”

“What?” Bucky growled as he turned on you. “What else could I have possibly done?”

You swallowed and picked at your fingernails. “You put Sam in the hospital, Bucky. All he’d done was make me some pancakes.” He collapsed back down on the bench and you sat beside him. He faced one way, and you faced the other. “That had been the last straw. After that … we either had to leave or we had to break up. I couldn’t leave. Not after I’d found Steve again. Not after I’d found a family. I knew that breaking up with you wouldn’t change your behaviour. So … I did what we always do. I broke your heart.”

He let out a bitter laugh. You knew it wasn’t directed at you because he had rested his head on your shoulder and wrapped his arm around the front of your waist so he could stroke your hip. You didn’t think he’d touch you like that if he was bitter at you.

“What did you do?” he asked.

“I told you that I was in love with Steve. I spun a story about how I didn’t know how much I loved him until I saw him again. You were already so jealous that it didn’t take much to convince you. The two of you had one more big fight, and then it all just stopped. You didn’t leave, I don’t think you could bring yourself to actually go if you’d wanted to. But you were so angry with me. I was sure you hated me.”

The two of you sat there for what felt like hours. You rested your head against his and you felt content in each other’s presence. It felt like a weight had been lifted.

Finally, Bucky said, “We’re so …”

“I know. Bruce said we’re co-dependant. He said we shouldn’t be together. Thinks it’s unhealthy and we’d just end up destroying each other.”

“What do you think?” he said.

“I don’t know. All I know is that I’m in love with you. I can’t give you up again.”

Bucky lifted his head and looked down at you. “I think Bruce is full of shit.”

The two of you watched each other. You didn’t know whether Bruce was right. You didn’t know if the two of you could ever make it. You did know one thing, though. You were in love with Bucky Barnes, and you would rather make war with him than make love with anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got more fics at iavengesuperwholock.tumblr.com


	9. Extra Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place in the year after S.H.I.E.L.D collapsed and you and Bucky got a house together. It's a scene based on the memory Bucky had about him trying to cook you pancakes.
> 
> (Smut in this part)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took so long guys, and thanks for being patient. I got bogged down with assessments and my other fics all of a sudden. I hope this extra scene makes up for it, though :)

Bucky entered the bedroom he shared with you (smelling of bacon and pancakes) with the intention of waking you. He’d made it all of two steps before deciding against it. 

Feeling like a creep (but not caring in the least) Bucky stared down at your sleeping form. He smiled as you mumbled something incoherent. You’d always been one for talking in your sleep. He found the more stressed you were the more active and talkative you became. In your days with Hydra, Bucky often moved his bed in front of the door to keep you from leaving the room when you sleepwalked.

That was a secret he’d never told you (he always made sure to have his bed back in place before you woke), but he knew he would one day. It would be a sweet story that he’d share with you one night when you were in bed studying each other’s features. It would be a secret between the two of you, and you would laugh about it while people watched on in confusion. 

You drew in a deep breath as you rolled to your side and slid one of your knees further up the bed. You were wearing one of Bucky’s shirts (it had been far too hot for his jumper – try as he might to get you into it). The shirt bunched up around your waist as you moved and Bucky let his eyes linger over the curve of hip that it revealed. 

A pair of cotton underwear was all you had on underneath, but Bucky could think of nothing sexier. Despite the glimpses of modern underwear models he’d seen, the sexiest thing in the world to him was you in a plain pair of cotton panties. It was simple and beautiful. It was you. 

He assuaged the urge to run his hand up your thigh by simply giving in and doing it. Immediately you stirred and let your eyes drift open at the touch. He couldn’t remember if you’d been a light sleeper before the war (he couldn’t remember anything about you from that time) be he hoped Hydra hadn’t caused you to be that way. Sometimes he liked to think you were so in tune with him that his mere touch awoke your nerve endings. 

You gave him a sleepy smile when you saw him leaning over you, and Bucky knew it was a smile that he would never get tired of seeing. 

“Morning, handsome,” you murmured as you reached forward and tugged at the waistband of the sweats he’d slept in.

He didn’t need to be told twice. With a small smile, he fell atop you and pressed his lips to yours as you tangled your legs together. 

“I made you breakfast,” he said once he pulled back. 

You let out a soft laugh and it reminded Bucky of a lullaby his mother used to sing him as a child. He couldn’t remember the lyrics, nor much of the tune, but he remembered how tranquil and safe it made him feel. That was exactly how he felt when you laughed. 

“You’re an awful cook, Bucky,” you said.

His smile widened to a grin and he chuckled, “I know. I burnt the pancakes. And the bacon … it’s not bacon anymore.”

You bit your bottom lip and dragged your nails along the stubble that covered his jawline. “It’s okay. I can teach you.”

****

In his lifetime, Bucky had learnt several languages and many hard, bloody lessons but none of that compared to trying to learn how to cook. It wasn’t the act of cooking itself if he concentrated he could see that the instructions were pretty simple. It was your ass that was making things difficult.

Every time you reached up to a high cupboard, his shirt would ride up your body and he would get a glimpse – just a taste – of the bottom of your ass. He could tell the cotton panties had ridden up far enough to leave little to the imagination and all Bucky wanted to do was bite your ass. 

You laughed that sweet lullaby again when Bucky’s hands slid under the shirt and onto your hips to pull you against him and away from the stove. 

“Bucky, they’ll burn again,” you breathed as his lips latched onto your neck.

“I don’t care,” he growled. 

He turned the two of you around and pressed you into the island, demanding that you take the shirt off. You did as you were told and were rewarded with a squeeze of your ass and filthy appraisal in your ear. 

With hands on your hips, he gently turned you around and placed your hands on the counter top of the island. He tilted your hips back and pulled on you until you were slightly bent over the cold surface.

He trailed wet kisses down your spine until he got to the waistband of your underwear. Crouching to the ground, he tucked his fingers into the edges of them and slid them down your legs – just slow enough to tease himself.

Bucky (as far as he could remember) had always been a generous lover, but with you he was selfish. No matter how much you begged and writhed beneath him, he did everything at his own pace. He teased himself and filled himself up on your body. 

With your underwear around your ankles, Bucky took in his fill of your ass. His earlier thoughts of biting it came back to him and – much like when he touched your thigh earlier – he satiated the urge. He soothed the sting with his tongue when you yelped. 

He straightened behind you and kicked your legs as far apart as they would go with the underwear still wrapped around your ankles. His eyes dragged over the expanse of your back and his hands followed. 

After a few minutes, you pushed your ass into his crotch and let your head fall back with a groan. “Please, Bucky.”

Normally, Bucky would have ignored your pleas and dragged the moment out but he knew – if left to his own devices – he may never stop touching you like that. 

He pushed his own sweatpants down around his ankles and his hands slid up to grip your shoulders as he sank himself into you. He let out a long groan at the feeling of you being wrapped around him so intimately.

“Bucky,” you sighed. He never thought his name could sound so beautiful. 

He began rocking his hips against you (as slow as his hands had moved earlier). One hand slid down your abdomen to rub slow, firm circles around your clit, while he slid his other hand around to grope at your breasts as they bounced with each thrust.

His breath came out in breathy moans and he pressed kisses up your back until he reached your ear. “You feel so perfect,” he breathed. 

Bucky wasn’t sure that you heard him let alone understood what he said. Your body was so sensitive to his touch that you were already trying to fight your way to your first orgasm when his fingers had touched your clit. 

“I want to feel you cum around me,” he said. He didn’t care if you knew what he was saying, he just needed to relay every dirty thought he’d had about you into words. He needed to say how you made him feel even if you weren’t picking up what he was putting down. 

His thrusts became harder and his fingers on your clit became faster. You began thrusting back against him, your head falling back as your mouth fell open on a moan. 

Bucky moved the hand he had on your breast up to your throat so he could hold your head back for his viewing. The look of ecstasy on your face as you came around him caused a rough moan to tear its way out of his throat.

“That’s it, baby,” he growled. “Cum all over me. You’re such a good girl.”

Even as your body convulsed beneath him, his fingers didn’t cease on your clit, and his thrusts only became rougher as he fought to take you to your next climax.

You cried out at every touch on your oversensitive flesh but couldn’t help begging for more. Bucky growled in your ear at hearing the filthy demands that fell from your lips.

“God, you got a filthy mouth when you want to,” he said.

You let out a laugh mixed with a moan before saying, “It’d make Steve blush.”

Bucky growled, knowing you’d brought up his best friend just to piss him off. He pulled his hand from your neck and used it to land a hard slap on your ass. Then he sank his teeth into your neck and sucked, leaving behind a mark big enough to show everyone you belonged to him. And if, God forbid, you ever ran into Steve again, Bucky vowed he’d fuck you in front of Mr. America if that’s what it took to convince Steve you were no longer his. 

You let out a long groan and Bucky’s fingers tightened on your ass cheek as he felt you contract around him. He knew there’d be bruises all over your ass by the end of the day and he couldn’t wait to count them with kisses. 

“Fuck,” Bucky ground out between clenched teeth as he buried himself inside you one last time. He’d hoped to make you cum again, but his control had snapped when you’d collapsed to the bench and whimpered out his name the second time. 

Once he was sure he could move without his legs buckling beneath him, Bucky pulled out of you and pulled his sweatpants back up into place. He bent and pulled your underwear back up your legs too and placed a series of wet kisses across your back.

“Don’t clean yourself up,” he mumbled when you stirred beneath him. “I’m not done with you yet.”

You hummed in contentment and stretched your arms out across the counter. Your back arched and your ass pressed back against him as you did so. He squeezed your hips in retaliation and chuckled when you let out a whine.

“The pancakes are burnt, aren’t they?”

He grinned against the skin of your back. “Smells like it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got more fics at iavengesuperwholock.tumblr.com


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